I think I may be depressed. Tonight, I was talking to my Mom and I started crying out of nowhere! Its most likely linked to the things, health wise, that I’ve been dealing with. I’ve been struggling with my back for the last three years because an idiot didn’t know how to mop and I slip and fell. Now my PCOS is having a “flare” and everything has been out of whack with that. All I do is sleep, I can’t make myself get up and so household things that I need to do, I hurt from head to toe ALL the time. I don’t know how to deal with this! I feel like a failure because I’m not able to work and I have to depend on my husband and family for everything. Now my husband has hurt his back. He’s been off for about a month now and he can’t get in to see a back specialist until Valentine’s Day so we have no income. I guess me being the worry wart I am has been stressing more lately because of that. I’m gonna have to go to the doctor because this is getting crazy and to much for me to handle! I just don’t know what else to do!
So its 2:15am and I cannot go to sleep for fear of having a nightmare. To some that probably sounds extremely childish but I can’t help but wonder what if. What if these dreams do come true how would they end. I definitely DO NOT want any of these nightmares to come true because most of them is either basically running for my life or having to shoot and kill to save my life or my family’s life. The only bit of relief I can think is I’m a somewhat skilled shooter and if it came down to it I could probably do it. I don’t want to but I could if my or my family’s life depended on it.
I can’t help but wonder if these nightmares are associated with something such as a medicine. In July I was diagnosed with Syringomyelia, which those of you that’ve read this blog will know, and my neurosurgeon sent me to see a neurologist because my migraines had gotten worse. So the neurologist started me on Cymbalta, which I think that’s what’s triggered them to start. I had a nightmare maybe every 6 months before starting the medicine and now I’m having 3+ per week and that makes for a horrible sleep schedule! I’ve also noticed that if I sleep on my back or when I’m awaken by one I’m always on my back. I’m also wondering if it may have something to do with Sleep Paralysis because when I wake up I physically cannot move and I can lay there for up to 10 minutes without being able to move. I did some research a while back and learned some tricks to bring you out of the sleep paralysis but it definitely doesn’t make it any easier to cope with!
I’m contemplating going to see someone but who in the world would you see about sleep!!! I had a sleep study done when I was in my teenage years but I don’t remember who I seen that sent me to have it! I do remember from that study that my brain never shuts off and I do not go into R.E.M. sleep, or so it said then. So I guess when I see my PCP I will ask her or either I will schedule a follow up with my NL.
One good thing I can report is in March of 2012 I had a surgery done for some female problems and since then I’ve lost about 60 pounds! I’m pretty stoked about that, even if others are doubting I actually have.
Oh and one other thing, any and all prayers will be appreciated! My 5 year old daughter who has CVS had an episode tonight, we’re hoping its over but we really never know!
So I guess that’s it for now! Will update again soon!!!
I know its been a while since I last posted! I’ve had quite a bit going on. My baby girl has been sick for almost a week and I am so glad she’s feeling better. She’s going back to school tomorrow! 9 other kids in her class has or had the flu, I just hope she doesn’t catch it!
So its Christmas time again! 21 days told Christmas and 19 til we leave for our new annual tradition of taking a vacation during Christmas! Its so nice to be able to do what you want on Christmas without having to go 101 different places! I know our families do not like it but in the last two years we’ve come to realize that we have to do for us, not everyone else. We went to Pine Mtn, GA last year and had an absolute blast! If you ever get to go there during Christmas go see the lights at Callaway Gardens, they for a phenomenal job! Also check out the Wild Animal Safari, definitely worth the money to get that close to so many different types of animals, with quite a few being exotic! This year we’ve decided to go to Collinsville, AL. They have two of the biggest and most awesome flea markets I’ve ever seen! And not to mention the natural beauty of the landscape. There is 5 waterfalls, I believe, in that area and they are magnificent! We are planning to go to Christmas at the Falls, which is Nocalulla Falls and we are stoked.
So to update on me:
I went to my family doctor about two weeks ago and got her to give me referrals to the two new doctors I found and I’m trying to get in to see. I have BCBS and technically didn’t need referrals but it was a requirement of the doctors office so now I’m waiting to hear back from them on an appointment. I finally found a neurosurgeon that has experience dealing with Syringomyelia!!! Yay! I called so many people in the southeast and when I would ask if they’ve ever heard of it, they would be like Syringo-my-awhat!!! So its nice for someone to know what I’m talking about! The cold weather is definitely taking a toll on me. My pain meds are not working as good since my doc changed me to the extended release version so its been a wild ride for sure! So I will keep y’all updated on my journey when I can! Oh and my family doctor told me that my B12 is extremely to low, so I’m having to take shots every 2 wks – a month. She’s gonna recheck in March and I hope its up because I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!
I am a big social media person! I’m on Facebook everyday and as I scroll through my news feed I can almost tell you who is gonna have the drama, broken heart, and numerous pictures of themselves posted in one day. Granted I’ve had some drama filled days in the last two years, losing two of the best friends I thought I had because they stabbed my family and I in the back and didn’t want to own up.to what they did. BUT I cut my losses and moved on! How can some people be so unhappy all the time?! Since being diagnosed with the Syrinx I have been living my days and carrying on as normal as possible because I never know when its gonna be my last day of “freedom!” If you have that much heartache, despair, relationship problems wouldn’t at some point you step back and say hey, maybe its me! Sometimes that’s not always the case but most of the time it is! And what is the deal with taking half naked pictures of yourself where you junk is about to pop out! It drives me up the wall when ladies my age and older are doing this! Anyways, back to my point! I can’t even begin to count my blessings each and everyday because there are so many! I have a beautiful, smart and funny little girl, a loving husband that I have no clue where I would be without him, an awesome family and some of the best true friends a girl could have! Since being diagnosed with the Syrinx I have found out who my true friends are. I have some friends that in had for a very long time that have basically just chunked me off to the side because I’m friends with someone else. OK, whatever! Obviously I wasn’t very important to begin with! That’s OK though, I know who I can count on when the going gets tough!
On another note:
My neurologist started me on Cymbalta for migraines and increased the Lyrica to 3 times a day. It really doesn’t seem to be helping because I’m still getting at the very least 3 a week and its getting old, fast! I go back to see him this week, so we will see where we stand!
My baby girl is going to be seeing a neurologist this week also because she has started have more frequent headaches and they’re afraid that they will cause her to have a stroke because her father had two strokes when he was a child. So were starting 50mg of Co Q 10 a day and they may start her on Periactin when we go back. She hasn’t had an episode with the CVS in a while so I’m hoping were clear of that for a long while!
Well I’m off to bed! I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and week!
Well I am sitting here at the Urgent Care Center in town because I am on Day 4 of having a migraine and I’m running fever, body aches, chills, and I just flat out hurt all over! So they’ve tortured me and did a Flu and Strep swab and is checking my urine. We’ll see what they say!
The pins and needles in my right side is getting worse and more prominent. I’m having around four headaches a week and they aren’t small ones, they’re raging migraines. My left hand or should I say my pinky and ring finger were pretty much completely numb and it scared me to death! Well I go back to the neurologist this friday I believe it is. I need to make an appointment with my family doctor but I’m wanting to wait until one of the old doctors come back to town because I can’t stand some of the office staff my current doctor employees. I cannot stand being talked to like I’m stupid and that’s exactly how she always talks to me. I don’t know what that lady’s problem is but I’m not gonna stand for it anymore. Anyways I’m hoping things start getting better as far as the headaches!!!!!
The rain is a silent beast that slides
right on in while you’re not looking! I’ve been in the bed the entire day today, other than going to get my baby girl from school! Ever since I started the new medicine last week I’ve kept a migraine! Today with the rain like it is my back has been screaming at me and the medicine I’m taking is giving me absolutely no relief today! Hoping to have a better day tomorrow! I have to finish getting my house in order before I go postal on someone! I’m trying to decide what color to paint my hall, dining room and kitchen. All three basically run into each other so I’m thinking the same color in all three will be awesome! I’ve also got cabinets to paint as well! I need help, any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!!!